Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
