I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize