Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
