worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
