Im at strip club and am horny
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The uberlube is also flammable
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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