How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
