we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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