Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
