saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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