Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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