I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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