fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
