I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
