I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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