I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize