I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
