i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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