I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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