If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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