A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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