One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
