So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
