somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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