he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
