the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
