I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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