Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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