I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
