I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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