Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
