is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
