ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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