I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
