"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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