The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
