I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
