Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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