someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
