billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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