Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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