How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we made out on top of his cat.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
