his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
