Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
