i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
