how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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