I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
