Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
