Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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