My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
