tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
