you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
