So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
