i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
