im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
