Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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