there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
