Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
