Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize