aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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