I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
