thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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