Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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