Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize