This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Shame - the story of my life.
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