My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
