Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
