the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
