I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
